Women !

2 blogs in a day. I must be bored. This blog is about one of the many non-male entities of this universe, some men defined as woman. (Woo Man). Some famous quotes about them.

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her -- David Bissonette.

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together -- Sacha Guitry.

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll be a philosopher -- Socrates.

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?' -- Dumas

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me -- Sigmund Freud.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays -- Anonymous.

There is a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage -- Sam Kinison.

I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the other didn't -- James Holt McGavran

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming - 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it 2. Whenever you're right, shut up -- Patrick Murray.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once -- Nash.

You know what I did before I married? Everything I wanted to -- Anonymous.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met -- Henry Youngman.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong -- Rodney Dangerfield.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.' -- Anonymous.

First Guy (proudly): My wife's an angel.
Second Guy: Lucky you. My wife is still alive.

Be bachelors !

Funny one-liners

No reason. Just feeling bored. So, here you go.

-- Love thy neighbor...but don't get caught!
-- Save Water ! Save Water ! Take a bath with your neighbor's daughter.
-- It's not fair, so little life and so many girls.
-- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
-- Behind every great woman there is a man checking out her ass.
-- A friend with weed is a friend indeed.
-- Not all men are stupid . Some stay bachelors.
-- When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
-- You're so boring that even if you throw a boomerang, it won't come back to you.
-- Born free. Taxed to death.

-- Booze is the answer. I don't remember the question.
-- Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
-- One man's folly is other man's wife.
-- Life is a bitch. Be a dog.
-- I don't speak French. But I do kiss that way.
-- Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
-- Girls need a reason to have sex. Guys just need a place.
-- Gravity is a myth. Earth sucks.
-- Women are living proofs that humans exist without brains.
-- If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

That's all for now. Adios !

Orkut's fortunes !

Hello guys, long since I've written something here. Well, blame the tight schedule of Man Utd. I ain't getting even one free weekend to jot down my thoughts.

I have a habit of pasting my Today's Fortune of my Orkut profile everyday into my scrapbook. Some of them are really funny and some are inspirational. Recently, I've noticed a trend of funny ones for some 10 days or so. Will share them below.

Nov 21: The guy who reads your fortune lost his psychic powers (and his job). We hope you are feeling lucky.

Nov 22: The guy who reads your fortune is not feeling well. We hope you are.

Nov 23: The guy who reads your fortune disappeared and our boss is furious. We hope you have a lucky day.

Nov 24: The guy who reads your fortune is sick. We wish you to stay healthy.

Nov 25: The guy who reads your fortune is getting married today. Please wish him good luck !.

Nov 26: The guy who reads your fortune was fired. Until we hire a new guy, go visit a friend's album.

Nov 27: The guy who reads your fortune is sleeping. Don't wake him up.

Nov 28: The guy who reads your fortune is stuck in traffic. Until he arrives here, go send someone a testimonial.

Nov 29: The guy who reads your fortune is on vacation. We don't know what to say... Go visit someone's profile.

Nov 30: The guy who reads your fortune went on strike. No cookie for you today. Go send someone a scrap.

Adios !

Inflation

What exactly is inflation?
Inflation is one of the several indexes used to judge a country's economy. Inflation provides or indicates how weak a country's economy is.

Why is it necessary?
Just as Gross Domestic Product (GDP) is used to indicate the progress of a country's economy, the inflation index is used to show the weakness or instability of a country's economy.

What is the current situation?
At the end of the week preceding the publication of this post, inflation in India is around 11.9% which is a huge figure. For an ideal growth-oriented economy, the GDP is above 7-8% and inflation is around 3-4%. SO, what does this 11.89 % indicate? It pretty much means that the country's economy is unstable at present. There are several reasons for the rise in inflation, most of which are not in the hands of the Indian government. The reasons include rise in crude oil prices, crash of global markets, etc.

11.89% is the highest in 13 years according to various sources. Last time it happened was in 1995-96 during which India was in a position of political turmoil with 3 Prime Ministers in 6 months (Deve Gowda, IK Gujral and AB Vajpayee). The inflation was around 20% (the highest in the history of Independent India) during the dark days of Emergency imposed by Indira Gandhi (1975-77). These incidents show that inflation also depends on the political stability of a country. And in such cases, it is possible for the government to control the rising inflation.

What are the effects of inflation?
Inflation leads to the increase of prices of the essential commodities like vegetables, grains, cement, books, etc because of which the middle class people are heavily affected. Rich class people can afford the increased prices and the people below the poverty line stop buying the higher-cost commodities and adjust with the lower cost ones. But the middle-class people cannot stop buying the goods (their pride wont allow them to). So, they are forced to dish out more money from their pockets.

What can the government do?
More often than not, the governments have few choices left. The only major thing any government can do is to give subsidies, decrease the price of the commodities and pay for the losses to the traders. It is generally the case where some traders take this as an opportunity and divert the available goods to black markets and create a pseudo shortage because of which the prices shoot up. The government should also make sure that this doesn't happen.

Instant Messenger Survival Guide

Not sure what all these acronyms stand for – and feel stupid asking? Here’s some you may have seen .. and a few you probably haven’t.

AFAIC as far as I am concerned
AISI as I see it
AOL assholes on line
ASAP as soon as possible
AWGTHTGTTA are we going to have to go through this again
B4 before
BCNU be seeing you
BFD big fucking deal
BOT back on topic
BT byte this
BTW by the way
BTWBO be there with bells on
CMF count my fingers
CTC choking the chicken
CUL catch you later
CWYL chat with you later
FWIW for what its worth
FYM for your misinformation
GIWIST gee, I wish I'd said that
GR&D grinning, running and ducking
HAK hugs and kisses
HHOK ha ha only kidding
HTH hope that helps
IAC in any case
IAO I am outtahere
IBCNU I’ll be seeing you
IITYWMWYKM If I tell you what that means will you kiss me
L8R later
LOL laugh out loud
LTIP laugh till I puke
NPN no reply necessary
OBTW oh by the way
OMIK open mouth insert keyboard
PITA pain in the ass
RML read my lips
ROTFL rolling on the floor laughing
SH shit happens
TFN thanks for nuthin’
TIC tongue in cheek
TISEC tongue in someone else’s cheek
VI village idiot
YGBK you gotta be kidding

Federer loses final, wins many hearts !

The scoreboard read 6-4 6-4 in favor of Nadal and many of the Federer fans have lost hope. But when The King won 4th set tie-break 10-8, I thought I would witness the greatest comeback in tennis history. But the rain and darkness played a spoilsport and Nadal won the final set 9-7. Following gives my views about the epic final.

My dear Wimbledon organizers, you are doing a great job indeed. Make the courts slower and slower and the balls heavier and heavier by the year. Kill the art of serve and volley. Who the fuck cares anyway? After all even base liners should be given equal or rather more priority as it is difficult for them to adjust to grass just 2 weeks after French Open.

Eliminate 90 min Serve-Volley classics and welcome 3 hr snoozefests. The longer the matches are aired, the more money you receive. All this can be utilized to improve home-grown British talent. So, kudos for the greatest brains. I wish Agassi was playing now and Federer in Sampras era. That way I could have watched two of the greatest players playing their best on grass. But alas, life is unfair. I dont deserve that. Rabbits have more chances of winning Wimbledon these days.

Give tennis raquets to Tyson Gay, Justin Gatlin, Asafa Powell and they will give Nadal a run for his money.

Stick the traditions up your arse. FFS, the top two players in men's tennis are playing in the final of one of the biggest sporting events with history weighing heavily on both sides and asking them to play in semi-darkness is ridiculous. I thought the organizers of the Caribbean Cricket World Cup 2008 are worse. Sorry fellas, you take the cake.

How many titles you may ever win, I'd still say Fuck you Nadal. The beastly bulls should be confined to the red dust of Roland Garros. Wimbledon is a place for class players like Boris Becker, Pete Sampras, Patrick Rafter, Goran Ivanisevic and Roger Federer (the greatest of them all) and the fiery baseliners who slug it out for each point are not welcome here. I admire your humility and like you as a person off-the-court but do not expect respect from me as a Wimbledon Champion.

*Rant Over*

My dear Federer, do not lose heart. You just don't deserve this. You should have played in one of the eras of Borg, Becker or Sampras. You will still be the Greatest tennis player of all time for the tennis connoisseurs. You are the guy with the best 'WOW' quotient. Amazing and exquisite shots flowing smooth like silk.

The scoreboard shows that HRH Federer lost by the end of the day, but what it doesn't show is the number of hearts that cried for him. And you can be sure that mine of one of those.

Dumb, Dumber and Dumbest !

If you think you're dumb when it comes to computers, read this and you'll feel better. This is an excerpt from a Wall Street Journal article:

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "Send" key.

4. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his bathtub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

5. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "Bad and an invalid." The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

6. A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said it "couldn't find printer." The user had also tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer.

7. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happened." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse...

8. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"

9. Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk, and had some problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, I couldn't even fit it in..." The user hadn't realized that "Insert Disk 2" implied removing Disk 1 first.

10. A story from a Novell NetWare SysOp:

CALLER: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
TECH: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
CALLER: "The cup holder on my PC is broken -and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
TECH: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
CALLER: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
TECH: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
CALLER: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard.The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and it had snapped it off the drive.

11. A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
The tech asked her if she was "running it under windows."
The woman responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point.
The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine."

12. And last but not least:
TECH SUPPORT: "O.K. Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
CUSTOMER: "I don't have a 'P'".
TECH SUPPORT: "On your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "What do you mean?"
TECH SUPPORT: " 'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
CUSTOMER: "I'm not going to do that!"

Dedicated to my bro who thinks that he is a noob in computers---Emkay.