Book Review: Stillness and Speed

It's a pity that when I started following Man Utd/Netherlands, Dennis Bergkamp was playing for neither. He was an Arsenal legend already by then and had retired for Oranje post-Euro 2000. When his auto biography was released last year, there was clamor for the copies from the Arsenal fans. He was the first super star signing for Arsenal in Premier League era (and I think it was PL record transfer as well with 7m back in 1995) and everyone was interested in what he was going to say. I wasn't one of them. For someone who is Dutch, he is one of the most boring persons in interviews. It doesn't mean that he isn't articulate, you only have to read his interview with David Winner regarding that goal he scored in 1998 World Cup against Argentina. [It's in one of the Blizzard editions]. It's just that he prefers to be away from the limelight and get on with his work – just like his playing style. He was never a super star off the pitch. But on the pitch, there were few who were better. I already read David Winner's Brilliant Orange: Neurotic Genius of Dutch Football and it instantly made to my "best books ever" shelf. So, when I learnt that Bergkamp bio was written with the help of David Winner and I fortuitously got my hands on this copy just as I finished Metamorphosis & other stories, I decided to give it a go. And what a decision it was. One of those few I'm proud of. What followed was one of the most amazing stories and I didn't sleep till I finished.

An extensive story of Bergkamp is available in the Dutch edition and as Winner says, the English edition only covers one-third of it. But it's still a good one. (Auto)biographies of footballers only click when the said players are among the colorful characters on and off the pitch. Neville's and Scholes' books were routine and I already knew most of what they said in their books. Cantona's [written by Arsenal fan Philippe Auclair] and Keane's however – brilliant! Bergkamp's bio certainly ranks among those. #AjaxBias

The book starts predictably with Bergkamp's childhood and there were continuous attempts by Winner to understand the foundations of Bergkamp's genius. What did he do differently in the childhood? Was he always a step ahead of others – not in terms of skill but in terms of vision? How did the gymnastics background of his mother help him? How did the football enthusiasm from his brothers help him and so on. Is it necessary for the kids to be underprivileged for them to really show 'hunger' in football? [Kaka certainly dispels that myth]

Bergkamp was lucky that he got into Ajax side when they were on the edge of their 80s revolution with Amsterdam's favorite son – Johan Cruyff – in charge. To begin your professional career under Johan Cruyff, surrounded with legends like Van Basten and Rijkaard has to be a dream start for every Amsterdam kid. His initial years show how he was taught not just skill but also temperament and patience by Cruyff. Bergkamp had a dip after Cruyff left to Barça and Van Basten-Rijkaard went to Milan as Leo Beenhakker didn't really rate him. Those were certainly the dark days after Cruyff's departure as Ajax went through several managers [9 in 4 yrs I think]. PSV kept winning under Guus Hiddink. But once Van Gaal took over, the glory days returned again. Bergkamp provides an interesting comparison between Cruyff's and Van Gaal's methods. They both play 4-3-3. They both want attacking football but the way they go about the players is different. While Cruyff wants players to be individualistic in a system, Van Gaal prefers the system to the ultimate zenith. Every player must adhere to the system.

And then, Bergkamp moves to Inter Milan, of all the places. I mean, AC Milan already had the Dutch trio of Van Basten, Ruud Gullit and Frank Rijkaard and with continuous injuries to Van Basten, Bergkamp would have been the main man at Milan under Capello. But it was a bad choice to move to Inter. Those two years at Inter are usually brushed away in the history books. The world (certainly the one I live in) knows about Bergkamp's Ajax years and Arsenal years. The Inter ones, not many know. This book has a huge chapter on his time at Inter Milan and what actually went wrong. We don't just hear Bergkamp's views, David Winner takes the pains to interview Inter players/officials back then like Osvaldo Bagnoli, Giuseppe Bergomi and Riccardo Ferri and to get their points as well. So it's a balanced presentation of both sides of the argument. Milan is also where Bergkamp's fear of flying started and still continues.

After two futile years in Italy, Bergkamp moved to Arsenal under Bruce Rioch. I didn't know Bruce was so loved at Arsenal. Bergkamp certainly talks as if Bruce would have continued for a long time if not for the arrival of a genius Frenchman named Arsene Wenger. Bruce only got into the job after George Graham had to be sacked for taking illegal payments. Oh also, I didn't know Bergkamp met Ian Wright [another Arsenal legend] accidentally at a gas station in South London on his first day! If I had read this 10 yrs ago, I’d have gone 'awww'. But thankfully, people grow up eh. And I already knew the part about Wenger bringing professionals to the club to take care of players' diet.

Bergkamp spent 11 yrs at Arsenal but the book doesn't talk a lot about his Arsenal years. We get several interviews from players like Vieira and Henry about what they thought of Bergkamp. His dressing room jokes (Martin Keown certainly ended up the wrong side of those), his professionalism off the pitch ("beer before match day? Holy!"), his professionalism during training sessions and of course a lengthy interview about his Newcastle goal. David Winner constantly probes about Bergkamp's vision – how he sees the runs of players like Overmars, Vieira, Ljunberg, etc – with his back to them. Part of it is training and part of it is vision. I mean, Bergkamp knows where people make runs without even seeing them. So cool! I liked the anecdote from Vieira: he explains the roles of everyone in the team and finishes the statement with "and I'm the one who gets sent off". Certainly made me chuckle.

Everyone knows the Dutch imploded in Euro 1996. But this is the first book where I read about what exactly happened there. Was it actually internal racism at Ajax/Oranje or was it because of misunderstood racism? I certainly can't cover all that in this review, the book explains it better. And of course, everyone knows the Dutch were the best side in 1998 WC and 2000 Euro but they ended up losing in semis. What's interesting is Henry's comments about France dressing room during those two tournaments – they thought they were fked if they had to face Dutch in finals and Henry still doesn't understand how France avoided them both times. Have to thank their lucky stars.

Four (!) other major points which bring new light to certain matters

1. Tony Adams asking the Arsenal board about assurances regarding the club's ambition during the start of Wenger era. If you keep your football fan brain (which is filled with lot of prejudice) aside and think logically – the sport is a profession for most players. And for a player like Tony Adams who spent all his career at Arsenal, it was understandable to ask where the club is going I suppose. I mean, fans do that all the time during the good years. Think of them during the bad times! At that time, the 1991 league winners side was long gone. George Graham is gone. Bruce Rioch is gone in short time. There comes a Frenchman with his own ideas (radical, at that time). So the players had every right to check with the board. 

Now bring back the football brain and see how much a few players are abused just because of this reason. Nobody can say that Tony Adams is not a legend. Heck, he is probably one of the three finest players in Arsenal history. And if a player like that can ask for assurances over club's ambitions, I guess a few players from current era can be cut some slack. Also, Bergkamp had disagreements with Wenger about the way he was handled in final years. While Bergkamp obviously wanted to play all the time, Wenger had to see that Arsenal get the best out of Bergkamp and how he's going to make the team better. When David Winner asks if there was a 'fight', Bergkamp denies it immediately. Just two professionals who wanted to stick to their points. Who woulda thunk eh? :)


2. Bergkamp about ‘diving’: In his opinion, it is acceptable if a player exaggerates contact to show the ref that he got fouled. But how much contact is necessary for the player to fall? Should a small nudge enough to imbalance a player's run be considered a foul? After several questions by David Winner, Bergkamp finally agrees that the decision eventually comes under a player's own moral judgment. It is interesting that he says that this attitude comes from his playing time at Inter Milan. The Italian matches back then had five defensive players vs two opposition attackers and the defenders did a lot of sneaky and underhanded fouling unseen by referees. Also, since the players rarely had chances to score (every team playing Catenaccio), they were forced to win free kicks or penalties whenever they can to get the elusive goal. We can sit here and pass moral judgment like we've always done, but it's an interesting perspective, nonetheless.



3. Ajax revolution 2010 aka Cruyff vs Van Gaal: Lot of new details. Once again after a lean period where Cruyff thought that the club lacked proper direction and was being meddled with board people unrelated to football, he wanted to bring a change. He had support from ex-players, the fans and the media. Then Van Gaal came into the picture and stood as Cruyff's opponent in the war. Despite saying how much it hurts to do it, Cruyff went to the court against the club and eventually won. After that bitter struggle, Ajax are back in safe hands with Frank de Boer, Dennis Bergkamp, Jaap Stam, Marc Overmars, Edwin van der Sar, etc in higher roles at the club.



4. The Ajax way: After taking over responsibilities as one of the coaches at Ajax, Dennis Bergkamp explains the Ajax way of training. How they went back to the Cruyffian ideals and started teaching the players to be individualistic and provided them confidence to take their own decisions depending on the game. I mean, nobody can practice everything in training. Bergkamp would have practiced a lot regarding taking high balls into his stride but he did not and could not practice a 50 yard pass over his shoulder to control with one touch and hit into the goal with the outside of his foot. It all depended on where the ball fell after his touch and where Ayala moved in 1998. Similar is the Newcastle goal. The skill to take those touches can be taught, but the players have to decide themselves that they have to take that touch and then decide what to do after it depending on the match situation. 

Also, it seems accepted by Bergkamp and others in the club that Ajax train players not only that they become good but also that they eventually leave and earn money to the club. It is a continuous production cycle - players are trained in skills and technique, they play for at least five years with Ajax, win trophies and then leave to bigger clubs around Europe earning money for Ajax, which is again invested in the training of young players. This is an economic eventuality and the current reality. I've debated this with other fans but it finally came from Bergkamp so I guess it can be taken as an official statement.

The book ends with a collection of some colorful photos from Bergkamp's playing career. Worth printing each one!

I read the book on Saturday and when I watched Ajax vs Heerenveen on Sunday, with Frank de Boer and Dennis Bergkamp on Ajax bench, Marco van Basten on Heerenveen's bench, Van der Sar along with Johan Cruyff and Michel Platini in the stands, it made me all warm and fuzzy.


Dennis Bergkamp - great pro, unbelievable player and one of the modern greats!

Book Review: Metamorphosis and other stories - Part I

Ever since I came across the term Kafkaesque, I've always wanted to read his books in German to fully understand the Kafka style. I believe the little nuances are possibly lost in translations. But since I couldn't get anywhere near to learning enough German to understand Kafka, I had to do with the English translations in the end. The first one I ever read was Amerika but the ending of that book proved confusing. Realized only a bit later that manuscripts for the final 5 chapters of that book were lost. Metamorphosis is one of the highly rated stories of Franz Kafka and my next book of his contained Metamorphosis and 5 other stories. A brief review of each story below

1. Metamorphosis:

A traveling salesman Gregor Samsa wakes up one day to see himself turn into a beetle. The foreword for the book mentioned that it is possibly Samsa's dream and he'd have avoided all the troubles if only he realized that it was "only a dream". But the first page of the story is contrary to that opinion. This is how the line goes:

What happened to me? he thought. This is no dream.

So I just went with the assumption that Samsa's metamorphosis from a human to beetle is completely real [however dystopian that sounds]. Samsa's family consists of his two parents and a 17-yr old sister Grete. Samsa used to work as a clerk but ever since his father's business collapsed (5 yrs before the story starts), he's forced to earn extra income to repay the debts. As a traveling salesman, he very rarely works from his office and spends most of his time traveling on the purpose of business. He wakes up one day and realizes that he is no longer human and in fact turned into a beetle with great many little legs. His first thought is that he missed his early morning train and while he was wondering how to make up for the lost time and hoping that no one at office would realize his delay, chief clerk from office visits him. Gregor refuses to open his door and his family fear the worst – Gregor, the sole breadwinner losing his job – while the chief clerk assumes that Gregor is simply not turning up for work and in cases like these, his only option is to terminate Gregor from work. While the family, who themselves are spellbound as to why Gregor is refusing to open the door, try to convince the chief clerk that Gregor is unwell and that is the only reason for him not opening the door. When Gregor finally relents and comes out, the chief clerk runs away looking at him. The family are shocked to see their son turn into a beetle. His father forces him back to his room and decides to shun him.

Samsa's mother and sister hope that Gregor's is a temporary illness and he would be back to normal in due course. The family never visit him except Grete bringing him food at meal times. Gregor could listen to what the family is talking and learns that his father joined as a bank messenger, his mother took up stitching while Grete starts learning French and joins as a salesgirl to earn money in the absence of any income from Gregor. To avoid discomfort to Grete, Gregor starts to hide under a sofa in his room whenever Grete brings him food. But the sofa is too small to completely cover him and Gregor, who slowly learns how to work his legs and live as a beetle, struggles for 4 hours to finally cover his visible back under the sofa with a sheet. Gregor even begins to crawl all around his room as a beetle and noticing this, Grete decides to remove all the furniture to let him roam uninhibited. Since she is too frail to do this, she takes the help of the mother to push the furniture. The mother feels that removing all the furniture would make Gregor feel that the family is resigned to losing him and believe he'd never become a normal human again. Her words bring new doubts in Gregor's head. Is he now a human or a beetle? Would he like the furniture in his room to be present exactly how he is used to it, so that he can one day become human again and continue living like he was, forgetting the "little episode". Or would he like to have a completely empty room so that he can crawl around like a beetle without any obstacles? But Grete convinces her mother that keeping the room empty would be beneficial to Gregor. When the two women remove a chest of drawers, Gregor comes out from under the sofa and hangs on to a picture on the wall, which he doesn't like to be removed. When the women see him, Gregor's mother has an attack of asthma and had to be taken to another room to breathe freely. Gregor decides to comfort her saying that everything is normal and comes out of his room. Just then, Gregor's father returns from work and thinking that Gregor is attacking the women, decides to send him back to his room and in that means, injures Gregor by throwing an apple on to his back.

Gregor's family, unable to cope with their cost of living, decides to let out a room to three young men, from whom Gregor is hidden. One day, after the meals, the young men listen to Grete playing violin in another room and initially show an interest to listen to her. Once Grete starts playing in the living room, they shun her and this angers Gregor. So Gregor comes out of his room and when the three men look at him, serve a notice to Gregor's family that they would be leaving and instead of paying the rent they owe, they decide to sue for damages. Gregor's family decide that it is too long a chance for Gregor to turn into human now and to avoid all the troubles they are facing, decide to leave him. But before that, their workmaid (?) kills Gregor and the family leave the house.

I'm not sure whether Kafka intended it, but there is an underlying theme of family bonding in the story. The family are scared of him and shun him initially, but Gregor's mother and Grete hope that he would be back to normal. Only that can explain why Grete keeps feeding him regularly. Though Gregor's father has an irrational hatred towards Gregor after he turned into a beetle, he relents to the pressure and lets Gregor stay in the house, but confined to his room. When the father hurts Gregor, the mother stops her husband from causing any further hurt and we see the maternal love for her son. He may be a beetle, but he's still her son. Grete was loved by Gregor and Gregor has saved money so that he could send Grete to Conservatorium for her to learn violin professionally. Grete does not show any compassion or love towards Gregor ever since he turned into a beetle. We only see Gregor's love towards Grete and not the other way. Even when Grete brings him food, it is not sure whether she thinks it's her duty to do so or if there’s any other motive. In the end, Grete feels he's too much trouble and it's pointless to hope that Gregor would be back to normal. She finally agrees with her father that it is better to get rid of him to save all the troubles. Once the family lets one of their rooms, all the unwanted stuff is thrown into Gregor's room showing their lack of empathy. Well, it's called empathy if they feel that Gregor is still human. What would be the word if they converted it into a store room if they thought he's only a beetle? Just imagine what one would call a bunch of people if they threw all the discarded stuff into their cowshed.

And then Gregor – what does he think he is? A human or a beetle? His thoughts venture both ways. When Grete brings him food, he doesn't like any parts which are considered fit for human consumption. When he was a normal human, he hated milk but after turning into a beetle, he seemed to like it. When he listened to the family's discussions in the living room, he thought of telling them that it's only a temporary phenomenon, that he'd be back to supporting them. He wanted to tell the plans of repaying father's debt and sending Grete to Conservatorium. When Grete and her mother discuss about whether to remove furniture in Gregor's room, his thoughts keep changing. He wanted free space to crawl around freely like a beetle, but he also clung on to a picture on the wall he really liked. Finally, is it really a dream or is the metamorphosis real? Going back to the opening line I mentioned, when Gregor thinks "this is no dream", is he thinking inside his dream? The ending of the story doesn't mention whether Samsa wakes up from his dream after getting killed. [That's what happens as per Nolan’s Inception right?]

2. The Great Wall of China

Compared to Metamorphosis, this is a really short story not more than 20 pages. The Great Wall of China is built on the northern border of the country to stop attacks from the evil outsiders lying beyond. The Wall is not built continuously (space; not time) but is built is several pockets. The story is written in the view point of someone from south east of the country. The southerners didn't have to bother with the attacks on the northern side of the country. Even if there were attacks, it would take too much time and effort for the outsiders to cross the vast lands and launch attack on the southerners. So, what keeps the southerners from joining the mission to build the wall, leaving their ailing parents, loving wives and tender children to travel far across the land and work in the north? Why is the wall built in several pockets all over the north instead of doing it over continuous stretch? (again, it's space; not time)

Considering that it takes five years to build a five hundred yard stretch and the whole northern border stretches over thousands of miles, how are the engineers motivated to work on the mission? Surely, it is not a project to be completed in one's lifetime. All the questions are credibly answered by the narrator. There is also an interesting discussion of whether the loyalty of people is to the Emperor or the Empire. The southerners never see the Emperor. They are hardly kept in touch with what is happening in the Emperor's hall. Even if the Emperor sends emissaries and messengers to relay the news, the news would have become obsolete by the time they reached the far borders of the Empire. So, how does the Emperor manage unwavering loyalty? Or are the people from the southern borders show apathy towards Emperor's doings? It's a nice little story.

3. Investigations of a Dog

The story is written completely in the view point of an adult dog. For this dog, every other living thing is a type of dog. People playing music? Dog musicians. Birds in the air? Hovering dogs. Animal kingdom? No, there's only dogdom. Some of the paragraphs stretch over a few pages (no paragraph break for 4 pages!) and this style is perhaps borrowed from Fyodor Dostoevsky. I might well be wrong regarding that. The story encompasses all the thoughts of the dog ranging on various topics. From the complete surprise at other dogs (actually, people) not caring for its questions or views to the utter reproach at the way dogs (people) walk on hind legs or leave the comfort of the earth to hover in the air (birds). If the dogs are continuously hovering in the air, how do they propagate with such feeble bodies? What makes the dogs take to the air? Is it some technical accomplishment? No, both propagation and voluntary transition for them to become hovering dogs are unthinkable.

The story also has a status-worthy line: [in the context of the dog learning about the world on its own]

Premature independence is inimical to systematic learning.

A couple of interesting thoughts from dog’s pov:

- 'Whence does the earth procure this food?' The dog sees that food is produced from the earth. But how does the earth produce it? There is of course a scientific method. The food is in two parts – the ground food and the food from the sky (rain). One follows the other. And how is the food from sky produced? Frequently by the incantation, music and dance of other dogs (people). Is the food from sky (rain) fit for consumption? No. Then why not focus on the food from the earth? Is it enough to produce food if the dog digs a hole into the ground, puts its nose in it and performs incantation and music? This is merely not so. The food from the sky is required as well. But why?

- There is a surprise and marvel at the way the knowledge has increased through the ages. But this is not actually praiseworthy. The increase of knowledge is similar to how one starts young and grows old – a natural and ugly process, but nothing to be marveled at. It is not as if the older generations are worse than us. Or that they are better because they are younger than us. Merely a natural progression from one state to another without any need for extrinsic intervention (for the lack of a better phrase)

It's a very interesting story with dog's perspective on various worldly things it encounters.

As the foreword mentions, Kafka's style is similar to Walser's – a story doesn't actually need to have a story. It can be a collection of thoughts, however mundane or extraordinary. It can range from a few words to several pages. There doesn't need to be a "proper" conclusion. Do the thoughts always end in a meaningful way? Similarly, a story can start at a random place and end abruptly. People who try to look for a theme or a story in Kafka's stories are evidently disappointed (or confused). A story can just be a linguistic experiment. I think I've finally started to understand the Kafkaesque style. I cannot imagine any other author to write stories with such varied view points. It is known that the author/writer has to enter a character's mind while narrating the character's views. In the first story, Kafka has to show us the views of a beetle. In the second, he is an engineer/builder working on the Great Wall of China. In the third, Kafka looks at various things (people, birds, rain, food, neighbors, scientific process, ageing, propagation of knowledge through centuries) through the eyes of a dog.

What a marvelous writer!

Part II (review of 3 other short stories) will be written later in a separate post. Give yourself a Seven pointed star if you reach this point.

Book Review: Leave it to Psmith by PG Wodehouse

Though this comes under the Psmith series which I reviewed in another blog, I would like to consider it as a standalone book. For one - this book doesn't contain his constant companion Mike Jackson (except a mention once) and two - this is actually quite funny.

When I picked this, I only knew that there's some guy called PG Wodehouse who wrote humor. I had no idea about the other books in Psmith series and never even heard about Blandings Castle series. Something Fresh was the first Wodehouse book I read (which happens to be the first one under Blandings Castle series) and I loved it so much that I bought this one and this didn't disappoint.

Psmith is a jolly young lad who hates working in his uncle's fish business and wants some change in his life. Earl of Emsworth's sister Lady Constance is married to poor (not literally) bugger Joseph Keeble who is unable to help his poor (literally) daughter Phyllis Jackson with money as he is too intimidated by his wife. Along with Lord Emsworth's son Freddie Threepwood, Joe Keeble hatches a plan to steal his wife's 20 grand worth diamond necklace, sell it in the market and provide the required money to Phyllis. His clever plan also includes buying another necklace for Lady Constance which will help to further her love for him. But Comrade Threepwood gets cold feet in the final minute and decides to hire external help. Lo and behold, what does he see in that day's edition of Morning Globe? An advertisement which reads:

LEAVE IT TO PSMITH!

Psmith Will Help You

Psmith Is Ready For Anything

DO YOU WANT

Someone To Manage Your Affairs?

Someone To Handle Your Business?

Someone To Take The Dog For A Run?

Someone To Assassinate Your Aunt?

PSMITH WILL DO IT

CRIME NOT OBJECTED TO

Whatever Job You Have To Offer

(Provided It Has Nothing To Do With Fish)

LEAVE IT TO PSMITH!

Address Applications To ‘R. Psmith, Box 365’

LEAVE IT TO PSMITH!

Eve Halliday is a friend of Phyllis Jackson and is called over by Lord Emsworth to catalogue his library. Meanwhile Lord Emsworth travels to London to meet this poet fella called Ralston McTodd who is invited over by Lady Constance (oh she always has this craving to invite high poets from society to Blandings Castle to the much annoyance of everyone in the house). In a typical Wodehouse fashion, we see accidental meetings between Eve and Psmith (what happens when a carefree little bugger chances upon seeing a blast of radiance like Eve?), Lord Emsworth and Psmith, Psmith and this McTodd guy. Oh wait, there's one more coincidence – Ralston McTodd is married to Cynthia, another school friend of Phyllis and Eve. While of course this Psmith is a good friend of Phyllis through her husband Mike. With a lot of people invited to Blandings Castle who have their own reason to steal the necklace, Lord Emsworth's butler The Efficient Baxter has his hands full. So, what happens in the end? Who will get the necklace? And HOW do they go about it?

I mentioned previously that it gets tiring when Psmith goes on one of his lengthy lectures throwing in a few witty remarks in between confusing the listeners whether he was sarcastic or genuinely simple. I realized it is a thin line between boredom and entertainment. Whereas Psmith is slightly irritating and mostly boring in first three books, he is jovial and funny in this one. It is possibly because of the presence of Eve Halliday, who brings out the best in him. The book is also lot more fun due to the presence of regular Blandings Castle members like Lord Emsworth and Freddie Threepwood. This book is supposed to be the 2nd one in Blandings Castle series and the final one in Psmith series. But it doesn't matter whether you're planning to read other works in the series. This book doesn't require a back story and Psmith character is not continued after this one. 

Must read!

Series review: Psmith by PG Wodehouse

Jeeves & Wooster and Blandings Castle may be the most popular (and widely loved) series written by PG Wodehouse but little is known about his Psmith series. It contains four books and I reviewed the final one – Leave it to Psmith – separately. I realized only a long time later that it was part of a series and proceeded to finish the remaining ones. I regret very few decisions in my life and this is certainly one of those.

The series starts with Mike and Psmith, a story about two chums from school. An extensive detail into Mike’s initial life was first written in Mike but I didn’t read that due to two reasons – a) It is not part of Psmith series, b) it contains too much cricket.

So the first one – Mike and Psmith.

Mike – full name Michael Jackson – is one of the prominent cricketers for one of the prominent cricket teams in England – Wrykyn schoolboys – but due to his faltering grades, his father Mr. Jackson removes him from Wrykyn and sends him off to Sedleigh. Mike is initially angry with the decision as he was really growing as a cricketer at Wrykyn, where he was destined to be as good as his brother. What irritates him more is that Sedleigh is one of the minor village schools without a proper cricket team and doesn’t even have a sporting team worthy of mention. But he cannot go against his father’s decision and travels to Sedleigh cursing every minute of the journey. After he meets his guide at Sedleigh and goes to his assigned quarters, he meets another fellow already present, who happens to be Rupert Psmith (or Ronald Eustace Psmith) from Shropshire, a neighboring town of Mike’s. To distinguish from other Smiths, he calls himself as Psmith and only came to Sedleigh after getting kicked out of Eton. Even in school, Psmith wears a monocle while delivering what he considers as knowledgeable speech and is usually witty. Psmith has confidence in his abilities bordering on arrogance and never a follower of hard work, he makes others do most of his dirty work. Starting with “stealing” someone else’s study, the book details the adventures of Mike and Psmith at Sedleigh school. It is mostly a book about school with bits about cricket occasionally thrown in. Not a bad book per se but there’s no hallmark Wodehouse wit in this.

Second one – Psmith in the city.

Psmith’s father, Mr. Smith has a curious habit of developing and changing his interests in varied fields at the drop of a hat. After suggesting at least 3 different fields for Psmith to choose after his schooling at Sedleigh, he finally wishes that his son go to the London to work for one of the banks after meeting a banker at his house. Mike, who was at Psmith’s house for the summer as a visitor, meets this banker fellow Mr. Bickersdyke but never notices anything interesting. Due to unfortunate coincidence, Mike’s father Mr. Jackson loses a considerable sum of money and since he can’t afford Mike’s college, wishes that Mike go to the city and earn his living. Mike and Psmith happen to join the same bank in London where Mr. Bickersdyke works and both are put into the Postage department. Psmith learns that the head of the Postage department Mr. Rossiter is a Manc with allegiance to Manchester United, he gains the friendship of his department head by merely following the news about Manchester United in weekend papers. After getting Mr. Rossiter on his side, Psmith endeavors to befriend Mr. Bickersdyke as well but all his efforts prove fruitless. Psmith even joins the same club as Mr. Bickersdyke so he could continue his attempts at getting friendly outside office hours but Mr. Bickersdyke is not impressed.

Mike moves to Cash department and after learning that Psmith has some Socialist tendencies (Psmith refers to everyone as Comrade XYZ), the department head Mr. Bannister invites both of them to a speech he gives on Sundays. At Mr. Bannister’s place, Mike and Psmith learn an old secret about Mr. Bickersdyke. Try whatever he might, Mr. Bickersdyke is unable to dismiss both of them as he is answerable to the staff dismissals and if he removes them without a reason, then charges of libel can be brought against him. Mr. Bickersdyke gets his chance finally when a cheque encashed for 100 pounds by Mr. Bannister turns out to be forged and Mike steps in to confess he cashed the cheque to save Mr. Bannister. This is when Psmith uses the secret information to persuade Mr. Bickersdyke to cancel the dismissal orders of his friend Mike. When Mike’s brother calls him one morning and says that his cricket team is out of reserves and needs one person to fill in within half an hour’s notice, Mike jumps at the chance to play at Lord’s and leaves office. As Mike leaves office during work hours, Mr. Bickersdyke rubs his hands in glee and waits for him to convey his dismissal orders. Meanwhile, Psmith meets his father and takes him to Lord’s in the evening to watch the final few mins of Mike’s innings where Mike eventually gets out after hitting 148. After convincing Mr. Smith about Mike’s batting capabilities, Mr. Smith agrees to take Mike as one of his assistant accountants (I think) at Shropshire where Mike can continue his cricket during off hours. But to work as an accountant, Mike needs to complete his college and Mr. Smith agrees to send both Psmith and Mike to Cambridge for their college. Just when Mr. Bickersdyke readies himself to give out dismissal orders, Psmith tells him that they are resigning from their positions in the bank leaving no chance of smug vengeance to Mr. Bickersdyke.

Third one – Psmith, journalist.

When this was initially written, it had a lot of words with racist connotations. They republished it in US later with a lot of changes (Psmith gets replaced by similar character called Smith) but the Gutenberg edition I read (hyperlinked above) was presumably the older one. Mike travels to US on a cricketing tour and Psmith joins him in the journey. As Mike is busy going around the country with his cricket team, Psmith is forced to stay in New York trying to pass his time. He has a chance meeting with Billy Windsor, the acting editor of a household magazine called Cosy Moments.Psmith learns that the editor Mr. Wilberfloss is out somewhere in the country advised by doctors to rest for 10 weeks so that he can recuperate from stress related illness. Psmith realizes that this is his chance to find some entertainment and convinces Mr. Windsor to take him as a sub-editor without any salary. They meet Bat Jarvis, the head of the largest New York gang Groome Street at a chance meeting. In an attempt at complete makeover of the magazine, Windsor and Psmith remove all the previous contributing staff and take on new ones to make Cosy Moments deliver the red-hot stuff instead of the bland household articles. During their attempts to cover the most happening stuff, they run into the notorious New York gangs but with the aid of Bat Jarvis and a boxer called Kid Brady they take upon, they are able to eventually win through. Once Wilberfloss is back, Psmith quietly convinces him to retake the older staff and moves to England with Mike, who happens to return to New York from his cricket tour at the same time.

The first two books are passable and though the 2^nd one deals with their lives in the city, it is still essentially a “school” story. But the 3^rd one is possibly my least favorite book of all time. Despite the hectic work schedule, I took ages to finish it as I found my interest to be rock bottom. Leaving aside the racist words which did not affect my heart to great extent, the theme of the story and the narrative is cumbersome. If someone tells you that this was written by PG Wodehouse, you’d think the other fellow was either lying or is a raving lunatic. With every line I read I hoped the book to end and at one stage even thought of Dorothy Parker’s famous lines, but just coz of having a rule to never leave books in the middle of a story, I had to push myself to my absolute limits and finish the book. I might be hurting Wodehouse fans (which includes me) if I call this one horrible but I struggle to describe it in better words. Where the 4^th one is funny, the first 3 are bland and sometimes venture beyond the point of boring. They are like the Boring River flowing at the bottom of Boring Hills on the borders of the Boringville town. They do not have any characteristic Wodehouse humor, no lines worth remembering and certainly no funny moments I’d be chuckling about two months from now. I’d do a character study of Psmith too but the Psmith in the first 3 books is different from the one in the 4^th book. Whereas a twenty yr old school dropout with limited vocabulary and single digit IQ uses ten words to describe a situation, Psmith puts on his monocle, delves deep into his mind and recites two pages worthy of content. It’s good when it’s funny (like the 4^th one) but when it’s boring, you’d want to strangle the life out of him.

So there goes the review. Whoever is patient enough to reach this point, credit yourself with four stars – the series certainly doesn’t deserve any.